On tea and friendships

Yesterday one of the moms organized a little tea party and I decided to go.

Yes, every once in a while it's good to put on clothes and get out of the house and talk with actual people rather than the fictional characters in my head. (I'm at the point in writing the novel where everyone is really real to me. I'm all - you should meet Sam, he's awesome! - and then realize that Sam only exists in Scrivener.)

So I put on my J. Crew Liberty-trimmed jacket that the receptionist wears on Suits in Season 7 because clearly she wants to be like me, and I headed out for tea.

/via J. Crew/


And it was lovely.

I'm awfully hard on Stepford at times. There is a competitive materialism in leafy suburbia that drives me slightly mental (mainly because I'm not winning that game...) And this particular community is hard for me since it's a place where I've faced the very worst days of my life. Add to that, the complicated social position of being the wife of a widower who lived in this town for almost two decades and you get a place that's kind of hard to inhabit. (My advice to widows and widowers: if you've been in a place for a long time and hope to repartner, you'd better pick someone already in your social circle or be prepared to move. There are the rare and lovely birds who will be warm and embracing to you in your new life - and man, do I love these people - but they are not in the majority.)

But yesterday's tea was a reinforcement of what I like about Stepford. It's pretty, it's safe, and the food is great. And it was nice to reconnect with women I see not nearly often enough. We are all facing a similar path: wanting the best for our children, trying to figure out a career going forward, trying to stay sane. There was a whole lot of "me too" in conversation, which is always comforting; particularly when talking about the secret desire to stay inside, cry, and day-drink while the children are at school. These years can be crazy-making and it's good to know one is not alone.

It's also good to know everyone struggles, in spite of the pretty pretty on Instagram. When you go out, it holds up a mirror to your own mask. People seem to see me as someone in the jacket from Suits who spends her day hanging with the Real Housewives and traveling here, there, and everywhere. They do not know from social media that some days, I'm not able to do much more than feed the children and then crash on the sofa with a bag of chocolate almonds and binge-watch Greenleaf. It's good to connect and get real.

Everytime I go to something like this I resolve to get out more often. I won't ,of course, because 1) introversion and 2) laziness. But it's good to note that when I do overcome inertia, things tend to work out well.

Are you a goer-outer or a denner-inner? Do you have to be coaxed outside or are you running around with wild abandon? Do you like to drop the mask once in a while or keep it firmly in place thankyouverymuch?

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6 comments:

  1. I am an incredible introvert and need to be dragged out of the house. I think I need that jacket!! You've had a rough go of it there and I'm impressed you've stayed living in that town.

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    1. The kids all love it and we do not want to displace children who've all already been through a lot. The nice thing is that some of the less than nice people seem to be moving away. Perhaps I can be last man standing since it really is a nice town. There is no college here, but there is water, historic properties, bakeries and pubs!

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  2. I need to drive to Stepford to take you for lunch! Maybe we could book a date in October?
    Funny I love to be at home but I'm pretty busy running around town too. This is somewhat due to the fact that I share a car with hubs and so I am forced to run around to get things done.
    This has been a really busy month for me with my work and I'm trying to get 8000 things done at home too. I wish more moms would have tea parties and whatnot but it's not much of a guelph thing. It's all book clubs and wine here.
    Ugh I do hate that you've had such a difficult time there as you are so lovely and it is just criminal behaviour. Why can't people just find the best in themselves? Hugs to you my friend XX

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    1. I would love that. I'll email you. xo

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  3. Sometimes introvert (it's always easier to go to things with the hubs), often lazy, but I am usually surprised by the good time I have when I make myself get out there and attend the social events I actually show up to. That said, I much prefer tea with a few close friends over a group tea.

    I really don't see how they could not love you Jen. You are amazing!

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    1. I'm a few close friends person too. Thanks you for your kind comments. You are very sweet. And thankfully, there are lots of great people in the world so a few rotten apples don't really matter! xo

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Thank you, darling!

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